


Never Enough

by Windify



Series: The Katana Chronicles [1]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Abusive Parents, Emotional Hurt, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Hurt Donatello (TMNT), Hurt Leonardo (TMNT), Leonardo-centric (TMNT), My First Work in This Fandom, Older Sibling Leonardo (TMNT), Protective Leonardo (TMNT)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:48:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28632744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Windify/pseuds/Windify
Summary: It happened every time one of his brothers got hurt.He would listen to the accusations and truths he didn’t want to hear, he would stay here and Master Splinter would hit him because he failed. He wasn’t enough.He was never enough.
Relationships: Donatello & Leonardo & Michelangelo & Raphael (TMNT), Leonardo & Splinter (TMNT)
Series: The Katana Chronicles [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2099514
Comments: 17
Kudos: 49





	Never Enough

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [More Like Me (And Less Like You)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5156234) by [Kareh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kareh/pseuds/Kareh). 



> It’s a canon that Splinter smacks the boys when they do something wrong, and it’s also a canon that Leo is doing his best. I think that it could easily happen that Master Splinter would be abusive towards Leonardo, as he is the eldest. 
> 
> IF PSYCHOLOGICAL AND PSYCHICAL ABUSE TRIGGERS YOU, PLEASE DON’T READ. 
> 
> Also I used the 2003 cartoon era but I think it can apply to any TMNT version.

It happened every time one of his brothers got hurt.

It didn’t matter if it was an accident, if it was a street fight or something else, because in the end, the result was always the same: one – or more – of his brothers were hurt, and it was his fault. He failed as a leader, as a protector and as an older brother.

Master Splinter always made sure to remind him this. “What were you thiking?” he would ask when one of them would get hurt during their time on the surface. “They’re your brothers, Leonardo, and you are the eldest. I trusted you to be able to protect them if anything happened.”

And he would bow his head, heart aching and mind a complete mess. He would stay here, listen to the accusations and truths he didn’t want to hear, he would stay here and Master Splinter would hit him because he failed.

He failed. He failed, he failed and he failed again and again and again because he wasn’t enough. He was never enough.

But it was alright, because his Dad was right. From a very young age he knew that his Sensei was always right, no matter the situation.

Leonardo trusted his words, he trusted his actions. After all, it was Splinter who took care of the four turtles. It was his Sensei who taught them all they knew, who raised them and provided for them. Thanks to him they didn’t die few days after their mutation.

So when his teacher told him he had failed, he _trusted_ him, and maybe that was what caused his fall.

Maybe that was why he didn’t flinch when Master Splinter hit him the first time, and maybe that was why he always just stood still and awaited his punishment every time his brothers were injured.

Raphael called him Fearless, but he couldn’t be further from the truth. He was afraid every single day of their life. He was afraid that one day, him being not enough would mean one of his brother could be dead. He was afraid that one day, the others would realize how incapable of leading he is, how scared he is of losing them, how emotional was his heart.

He was afraid that one day, his brothers would realize where the bruises covering his body come from.

And he couldn’t allow for that to happen.

So he tried. He pushed himself, he trained hard to be better, to be the best. He promised himself to do more, to be precise, and nothing less was allowed.

He trained. He trained and tried and studied like his life depended on that, because it _did_. Because lives of his brothers depended on his success and ability to lead, attack and protect, and his brothers were his whole world.

He did anything he could to keep his brothers happy. Hearing Mikey laugh, seeing Don’s eyes lit up when some brilliant idea occured him, listening to Raph’s teasing their brothers without actually meaning it – that was important. That meant his brothers were safe and comfortable, that they were themselves, that they could be themselves without feeling bad or sad.

That was what mattered the most to Leo. His brothers’ safety always came first. It was his duty and he took it very, very seriously, even though the other three turtles were sometimes annoyed by his protectiveness.

He loved his brothers. They were his family, they were his little brothers and they will always be the most important persons in his life.

So yes, it made sense that it was his fault when Donatello got shot one night. It was during a brawl with Purple Dragons. Leo tried, he really did – he slammed into his brother, pushing him aside, but the bullet still hit its target. It went right through Donatello’s shoulder, barely missing his shell. The purple ninja fell on the ground, losing his balance.

The tree brothers screamed, painful “Donnie!” striking in the night, and Leo saw red. “Raph, Mikey, help Don,” he ordered, opening the nearest manhole with just a kick by his heel.

No one protested, not even Raphael who was always in for a revenge. He must have felt the tightness in Leonardo’s voice, the worry and fear and it was enough to not argue. The red and orange turtles grabbed Donatello despite him saying that it’s just a minor wound, but no bullet wound was minor, dammit, and Don as the team’s main doctor _knew_ that.

Leonardo turned around and striked against their enemies, kicking and punching and slashing with his katanas. He was driven by anger and fear, he stopped controling his strength. All of his training came to show and the fight was finished within _minutes_ , all of the gangsters beaten and many unconscious, but no one was dead.

The leader hurried down to the sewers, running after his brothers. They all knew the fastest routes so it wasn’t surprising that when he caught up with them, they were already in the lair. He found them in Donnie’s lab, digging the bullet out of his shoulder and stitching the wound.

“Don?” he blurted out rapidly, coming closer to the three turtles but a furry hand on his shoulder stopped him.

“He will be alright,” said Master Splinter with obvious relief, and the tension in Leonardo’s shoulders bled out.

“I was r’ght,” mumlbed Donatell. The pain meds Raph forced into him was making him sleepy, but it was a good thing because the sooner he’s asleep, the sooner his body can heal in peace. “Just a… m’nor w’nd.”

Leonardo exhaled, finally calming down. But suddenly there were claws digging into his shoulder and he looked up at his Sensei.

“Come with me, Leonardo. Raphael and Michelangelo will take care of Donatello. I need to know what happened.”

So he did. He followed his Master into his room, not daring to look back at his injured brother. He kept walking until he reached his Master’s room, where he promptly sat down on knees. Just now he noticed his hands were covered in blood, but the worst thing was that he didn’t know whether it was Don’s blood or theirs enemies.

He listened as his Sensei closed the door after them and looked him in the eyes. “Start talking, Leonardo,” Master Splinter commanded. “You were supposed to protect your brothers, but Donatello is hurt. How did that happened? Were you not vigilant enough?”

“It was my mistake, Master.” His voice trembled, his heart ached with the truth. He felt like he couldn’t speak, like he didn’t have enough air in his lungs, the feeling of incapability washing over him. “I was too slow, I hadn’t managed to push Don aside so I could take the bullet instead of him.”

The piercing look his father was giving him was killing him. “That’s right. I trusted you to protect them, Leonardo.”

He trusted himself to protect them, too. But he failed, once again he failed and because of his stupid mistake, his little brother was hurt. “I will accept any punishment, Sensei,” he said softly, his mind breaking apart with a new self-doubt thoughts, with the constant whisper of _you’re not enought, it’s all your fault, you should train harder, you’re the leader and you DIDN’T DO ANYTHING –_

“I would say so.”

He almost welcomed the slap across his face, the smack of Splinter’s stick over Leo’s shell was almost relieving because he knew he deserved it. He stayed motionless, waited for another punch, waited for all of this to be over.

“You will train harder, do you understand?” It wasn’t a question and he nodded without hesitation, knowing he has to train harder, he has to be better. “You will practice your katas tomorrow, until I say you can stop. Now,” Splinter waved his hand, “you may go, Leonardo.”

“Hai, Sensei.”

He bowed and stood up, walking out of the room. He felt the fresh hits but he didn’t show it, he couldn’t because his brothers couldn’t know.

He walked into the living room but stopped when he saw his three brothers snuggled against each other on a couch, all of them fast asleep. He watched them, slightly smiling, although his mind was screaming.

Anger rose in his chest, anger at himself, and when he watched the three turtles, he made another promise, just for them.

_This won’t happen again._

No matter what would that cost him.

**Author's Note:**

> So... that was it. Leonardo is super important to me as I grew up on TMNT and got into it again recently. This was inspired by another fic but I just wanted to write something like that myself. (To be honest I forgot they hurt Don in their work, so this was a coincidence. I just liked the idea of abusive Splinter.)  
> (Also fun fuct: I was born in 2003 so I think it’s no surprise I love this version the most. :D)


End file.
